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I saw this clip of Ayesha Curry and it’s been going viral — honestly, for all the wrong reasons. Ayesha Curry marriage — when her comments went viral, I felt the need to respond. Listen to the full voice note above or read the transcript below. “So I, I didn’t want kids. I, I didn’t want to get married. I thought I was going to be a career girl, and that’s it. And I had my eyes set on my goals. And I was never the little girl that, like, dreamt about the wedding dress and all of that. And then it happened so early in my life. So it’s like it’s one of those things like you don’t you don’t know what? You actually don’t know what you want.” So I saw this clip of Ayesha Curry the other week and it’s been going viral. Honestly, for all the wrong reasons. I watched it and I just thought, people really don’t get what she’s saying. They’re kind of missing the point. So I wanted to comment on it because I completely understood where she was coming from. I’ll drop the video below if you want to go and watch it for yourself. Here’s what I’ve learned about marriage. It’s one of the hardest things you will ever do. And it requires humility. Sacrifice. Self-awareness. Patience. Selflessness. Wisdom and agape love. Many of us are caught up in the ideals of marriage — what we see on social media, in the movies — and we build expectations around that. The other day I saw a young couple dancing on TikTok. Boyfriend and girlfriend and the comments were full of, “Couple goals.” “Best couple on the internet.” It reminded me just how little people really understand what’s required to have a good relationship, let alone a marriage. Relationships take work. Marriage is hard. It’s one of the toughest things any one of us will do next to having children. People look at my marriage from the outside and say things like, “You got such an admirable relationship. Why don’t you talk about it more? Why don’t you share with women?” I usually avoid talking about relationships publicly. I don’t even comment on stuff. And I certainly don’t share with unmarried people — which is wrong, really — but it’s mostly because of how people react to these honest conversations. It’s like people don’t get it and they don’t want to get it. When I heard Ayesha Curry speak about her marriage, so much of what she said resonated with me and it made me want to share openly and truthfully. For those who really want to understand what marriage takes. Because you have to understand marrying someone with a whole different view of the world, someone you can still be learning about twenty years after you say, “I do.” That is a journey. I’ve been married twenty-one years. Trust me, I know. One day the passion goes. One day the romance goes. One day you wake up feeling like the other person doesn’t understand you. They forget your birthday. They don’t read your mind. They don’t comfort you when you wanted them to. They took you for granted. And then you grow up differently. One fast, one slow. Sometimes one not at all. And that’s when you start to see what real marriage requires. And I want to separate outright nastiness, domestic violence, neglect and abuse from this discussion. Anything like that is unacceptable. But marriage is hard, even without that. So please don’t base your idea of relationships or marriage on what you see in a seven-second TikTok. My advice, especially to single people who want to get married, is to listen to real conversations with an open mind instead of forming quick opinions. Ask questions. Why did you say that? How did that make you feel? Why didn’t you leave? Can you explain? How did you get over that? Why did you stay together? That’s how you start to understand marriage. Not through highlight reels, but through real stories. And that’s why I applaud Ayesha Curry, because she’s been honest. She’s shown that marriage is hard. It takes compromise, emotional maturity, and a lot of grace. Do you know how much strength it takes to tell your husband something personal for him to say, “I don’t understand,” and for you to respond calmly, not with anger? It takes an incredible amount of maturity and wisdom. And I related to that because I’ve been there. I grew up in the late ’80s, early ’90s — the ladette age. Back then, I was focused on my career and not marriage. I never fantasised about weddings or wedding dresses. The first time I ever started thinking about it was the day I came back from university after my third year, and my dad said, “Okay, now it’s time for you to get married.” To be honest, I didn’t even take him seriously. I thought he was saying, you know, you’re free now — go live your life. I actually thought he’d want me to secure my career before marriage and a baby carriage. But I gave my life to Christ about a year before I got married. And within the church, marriage was such a big deal. Even my pastor told me to think about marriage. So with everyone talking about it, I thought, all right, that’s the thing I’m supposed to do. So I got married thinking, let me get this out of the way so I can focus on my career. And once I got married, that’s when I realised, oh my gosh, there’s actually a lot of pressure on women to get married. If I hadn’t married when I did, I might not have got married at all, and I probably would have hated my life. I honestly don’t think I would have been able to withstand the pressure within the church. So yeah, I got married, had a wonderful ten-year honeymoon period. Marriage is still wonderful. I’ve never once regretted my choices. But life begins — there’s compromise, growing pains, self-reflection. Even for women who are high earners, it’s heavy. We give up parts of ourselves quietly — and men often just don’t understand that. The truth is, I didn’t want children at first, but I hadn’t discussed that with my husband. And I didn’t think it fair to declare that after saying, “I do.” Most people expect to have kids. So we got pregnant. I had never met a child I liked until I had my son. And please stop thinking people want to hold your newborn or talk about your children. No one cares. Some people just don’t like children, especially other people’s children. When I had my son, everything changed. I fell in love. I went from the woman who used to work late to the woman who couldn’t wait to get home just to see her child. I got mummy brain. And with that came sacrifice. Even for women who are high earners, it’s heavy. We give up parts of ourselves quietly. And men often just don’t understand that. That’s why Ayesha Curry’s honesty matters. She even got told off because she said — I think she told her husband or she just said it openly — that men don’t slide into her DMs or catcall her anymore. And I laugh because I’ve said the same to my husband. It’s like a joke — me saying, I’m really your wife now. Men can smell that I’m married and a mother. They don’t even slide into my DMs. And that’s a real thing. We’re close and open. I can tell my husband anything. There’s no judgment or bad feeling. That’s a real marriage. That’s maturity, mutual respect and love. Those things are far more important than whether he plans the perfect night out. Those things are nice, but they don’t make a marriage. And I’ll say this: I really admire the way women choose men these days. Because honestly, I don’t know what it is. I feel like we raise our men and some of them just want to marry their mothers. They want the woman who cooks, cleans, raises the kids exactly the way their mom did. And there are women today saying, “No, I don’t want to be my mom. I don’t want that life.” And I truly admire that. But those same women also have to understand the reality of marriage. If you choose not to get married, that’s fine. There is something you have to also accept — that perhaps you may not ever get married. And I know some women are quite comfortable with that, but there is that unfortunate stigma that once women reach a certain age, they become, quote unquote, unmarriable. It’s unfair, but it’s a reality. So if you make that decision, understand that that’s a possibility. And if you do want to get married, before you walk down the aisle, you need to have real conversations. Conversations about when, how many kids, what kind of lifestyle you want, what career goals you have, what partnership looks like to you. Find out whether you can both compromise, both self-sacrifice and in what areas. Plan your finances, careers, businesses before you sign the contract. All of that — and then know that there will still be things you’ll discover that you’ll have to work on. Because I know some women now who say, “I’m not teaching the man. He should already know.” And I get that, I do. But the unfortunate truth is, we live in a patriarchy. And in this world, especially for Black women, we face both patriarchy and misogyny. So some men genuinely don’t know. As a mother of a son, I teach my boy as much as I can. But then I hear the music he listens to, the messages he sees on TV, the things society feeds him — and it’s tough. It really is tough. We cannot rely on men to make all the sacrifices and know it all. We have to make sacrifices too. We meet in the middle. We love, we respect, we try to understand each other as much as possible, and we give grace. It’s not a competition. It’s a working partnership with ups and downs, rights and wrongs, mistakes, periods of loneliness, uncertainty, hurt. But if we can communicate and if we can understand the power that comes from this unique union, then we can do it right. And that’s why these real conversations matter. Listen to understand, not judge. She’s telling the truth, but the internet isn’t ready. Because marriage isn’t what you see in movies or in a TikTok of two people dancing. It’s real life. It’s compromise. It’s choosing each other again and again and again, even when it’s hard. Marriage is beautiful, but it’s not easy. Not even close. And either you’ll do it yourself, or it will strip you of every ounce of selfishness and pride if you want to get it right. And that’s the truth no one tells you.
Ayesha Curry Marriage — The Real Conversation About Love and Pressure
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