Finding Purpose Beyond Ego and Material Gain

Finding Purpose Lately Beyond Ego and Material Gain

Discovering Personal Purpose

Sometimes even if you do the things you enjoy, you can be left questioning what your purpose is. I think what I wrote here, in this article about finding your purpose, still applies: lean into the things that you are good at and that you enjoy doing. But I have discovered that without really knowing why you are doing it, it can become hard.

Without a ‘Why,’ there’s no motivation and no plausible reason that is good enough. You’re not doing it for the money. You don’t feel like you are doing it for anybody, and doing it for yourself isn’t enough. You’re left with ‘why,’ what is the purpose? What is my purpose? Where am I going? Does anybody need me? Do they care? Is my impact enough? Is my impact wanted?

Reflections on Ego and Need

Reflecting on the past, years ago, I told myself that they wanted what I was doing, that they needed me to make their life better, and in doing this good, I would be blessed beyond measure.

I can see now that this was what was going on.

It looks like you’re doing something formidable, but it is still very much focused on me and what I can get. And that’s what drives the flesh: ego, self-preservation, and increase. The ego can be a strong motivator for drive. I was extremely driven.

Challenges of Spiritual Growth

However, the path wasn’t as straightforward as I had hoped. God didn’t let things go the way I wanted. He wanted to humble and break me. I am no good to anyone or anything when I have not been humbled in the flesh.

Before the breaking and humbling, everything is done with the intention of my end goal. It’s human nature, or flesh nature should I say, to want to get something material out of the work we do. And it’s a universal law that there is a harvest for seeds sown. But when God has a great plan, He will show that it is not by strength nor by might but by my spirit.

This realisation led me on a journey of being highly motivated, disciplined, and focused on doing what I thought was God’s will, but it was too overshadowed by my will. And so God broke my will and fortitude.

Along the way, I think there was a separation between my spirit and my flesh—as if they were two different people. In flashes, I would feel the spiritual side, observing the fleshly person.

Since the breaking, which actually indicates growth, the material world no longer appealed to me. However, I struggled in this place because it was unfamiliar territory. Despite my spiritual growth and a growing consciousness of my spiritual self, the material wisdom—the flesh within me—still maintained a strong hold. It was confused, trying to figure things out, wondering why its strength had diminished, and as such, it could not fully surrender to allow the spiritual to take over. But step by step, it’s getting there.

Finding Purpose in Transformation

The process of transformation has been intense. I’ve been going through a massive breaking for a little while, where I’m completely unrecognisable to myself. It’s a new me, I’m hoping a more God-like me, where the material becomes even less important, and self-ambition completely disappears.

But even here at this stage, the flesh can be so egotistical. There are so many levels that you don’t even know exist that still need to be destroyed before you can become everything that you are supposed to be.

Now, when you get to the point where doing it for the outer reward doesn’t drive you anymore, work can look futile. Even though something spiritual is happening, your mind asks, “So what do I do? What’s meaningful now? I have no reason for any of it. What drove me has gone.”

In these moments of doubt, I have overthought things. I find myself caring nothing for the material reward anymore, but by habit, I keep looking for some other material indication that things are going well. I’m supposed to feel something else, something more powerful and spiritual, but no, it’s nothing like that. If anything, I feel weak, empty, and lost.

Ultimately, the ‘something else’ is to allow the spiritual to guide you. In this space, there are no physical feelings or material goings-on in the environment that you can rely on to tell you everything is going well.

I have used this Bible verse to guide me: “Whatever you find yourself doing, do it with joy, with all your might, and without complaint.” It doesn’t make it easier, but it gives me wisdom that helps with the gradual change that is happening in me.

I understand that within me there has been a breaking of my spirit from the flesh or material world, and I must become completely reliant on God. Nothing else will work. My spirit must be fully moved by God’s spirit. In His unlimited wisdom, He knows everything. He knows the expected end, He knows the Why; you just stay faithful to the things that He has committed into your hands. A bit like Joseph in the prison cell. He was very faithful in his emotional attitude and his work. I’m continuously inspired by Joseph’s attitude and, although it’s not explicitly mentioned, his walk with God, because how else are you this fruitful?

So, I’m going to try my best to walk close with God and let the spirit lead my mind, will, and emotions without the flesh getting in the way. The flesh can be troublesome, you know…lol.